I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
