So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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