It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
