Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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