Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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