there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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