Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
