That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
