I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
