At least make sure they are 18
Why
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
