Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
