My liver just broke up with me...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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