Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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