so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i came on her dog
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
