you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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