im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
