also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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