i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
