His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We need to get me chipped asap
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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