Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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