I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
