Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
