forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
