when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
