Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
