Non-Jews are for practice
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
