Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
