Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she told me i tasted like america
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
