its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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