I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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