I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We have started to decorate penises.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
