Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
