Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
