Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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