my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
