her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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