yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
