i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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