Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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