I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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