He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
