at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
