so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
