If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
