How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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