Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
