Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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