Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
