She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
