i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
