Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
