Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
